How I Learned to Love My Body (And How to Teach Our Daughters to Do the Same)

Niki Paige
Jul 17
6 min read

Keyword focus: body image, body positivity, teaching kids to love their bodies, positive psychology, stretch marks, body love for moms

The Early Years: Blissfully Unaware of Body Judgment

When I was growing up, I didn’t know girls judged each other’s bodies.

I was blissfully unaware of the body image comparisons, the quiet competition, the shame some carried like a second skin.

I just lived in my body. I wore what I wanted. I ate when I was hungry. I moved because it felt good.

And I didn’t see anything wrong with that.

Looking back now, I realize what a gift that was—freedom from judgment. My parents didn’t talk negatively about their own bodies, and they didn’t criticize mine. Food wasn’t good or bad—it was simply fuel. My body wasn’t measured or monitored—it was appreciated.

That kind of neutrality? It planted the seeds of self-respect.

“The more neutral and accepting parents are of their own bodies, the more likely children are to grow up with a healthy body image.”— Dr. Dianne Neumark-Sztainer, Professor of Public Health

Positive Body Image Starts at Home

I never thought my body needed to be different. I noticed that my friends and I looked different, but I didn’t attach value to any of those differences. I saw bodies gaining weight, losing weight. I saw girls who shrank into themselves—sometimes to the point of disappearing.

But I didn’t judge. I didn’t think I was supposed to.

That belief came from home. From parents who never once taught me to hate myself. From an environment where positive body image wasn’t a lesson—it was a way of life.

“Children model what they see. A mother’s relationship with her body is one of the earliest templates for her child’s self-esteem.”— Dr. Laura Choate, author of Swimming Upstream

When I Realized Women Judge Each Other's Bodies

That changed in graduate school.

I was in a high-stress, emotionally abusive supervisory relationship. I came home drained and defeated. And like so many others, I turned to food for comfort. I would down a pizza in front of the TV, not to rebel, but to survive.

My body changed. It got softer, bigger. And for a long time, I didn’t care.

Until I noticed they did.

Women. Friends. Strangers. All watching. All judging. My bubble of unawareness burst—and I was suddenly painfully aware of how deeply women are trained to critique not just their own bodies, but each other’s.

“Girls as young as five report body dissatisfaction. This tells us that body judgment is learned early—through culture, media, and adult modeling.”— Dr. Jennifer Harriger, Psychology Professor

The Stretch Mark Chronicles: A Wake-Up Call

After my first child, I got a few stretch marks.

No big deal.

I saw them as my tiger stripes—my body’s way of saying I did something incredible.

But apparently, not everyone sees it that way.

A friend called to ask if I had any. I said yes, a few.

She pressed: “How many?” I said I didn’t count—I was a little busy recovering from childbirth and snuggling my baby.

She was thrilled to tell me she only had one.

That’s when I realized—she wasn’t asking, she was comparing.

Another friend—one I considered very close—asked the same thing a few years later.

When I gave her my tiger stripe line, she said: “Yeah, I guess that’s what women say to feel better about themselves.”

I sat on the phone, stunned.

Was she trying to make me doubt my body?

To plant shame where none had lived before?

Why I Refused to Hate My Body

My body has been small and large, soft and strong, depleted and radiant. It has carried stress, joy, babies, and healing.

And I made a conscious choice:

I will not hate it. Not for them. Not for anyone.

Because here’s the truth:

People judge your body because they’re still at war with their own.

I’m not joining that war.

Body Positivity for Moms: A Love Bomb Revolution

So I did something radical.

I stopped criticizing my body.I stopped tormenting it into shrinking.I stopped making food the enemy.

I started love-bombing my body instead.

I move for joy—not punishment.

I eat to feel good—not to earn anything.

I praise what my body can do, not how it looks.

And in return?

My body is love-bombing me right back.

How to Teach Your Kids to Love Their Bodies: Positive Psychology in Action

📊 Body image stats worth knowing:

81% of 10-year-old girls are afraid of being fat (Common Sense Media).
Over 50% of teen girls use unhealthy weight control behaviors (NEDA).
Children of weight-conscious parents are significantly more likely to struggle with disordered eating (Neumark-Sztainer et al., 2010).

We can break that cycle.

Here’s how:

1. Speak Kindly About Your Own Body

Your self-talk is their script.

Say:

“I’m proud of what my body has carried me through.”
“I love how my arms help me hug you.”

Avoid:

“I feel gross today.”
“I need to lose weight.”

Try a mirror mantra: Look in the mirror each day and say something kind. Let your kids see you doing it.

2. Reframe Food as Fuel, Not Morality

Say:

“What snack sounds kind to your body right now?”
“Let’s eat something that gives us energy.”

Avoid:

“You’ve had too many calories today.”
“We need to be good today.”

Make meals about joy and connection, not control.

3. Praise What Bodies Can Do

Build self-worth through function, not form.

Say:

“You were so fast today!”
“Your legs helped you climb that whole rock wall!”

Ask at bedtime: “What’s one thing your body did for you today?”

4. Make Movement Joyful

Let them move in ways that feel good—not to “burn off” anything.

Try:

Kitchen dance parties
Yoga to calm down
Walks as emotional resets

Ask: “What kind of movement feels fun today?”

5. Teach Media Literacy

Help kids spot:

Filters and body editing
Fake “before and afters”
The difference between confidence and curated content

Audit their social media feeds together. Replace toxic accounts with body-positive ones.

6. Avoid Body Talk About Others

Even compliments can reinforce comparison.

Try:

“She seems really confident.”
“I love her energy.”

Make it a house rule: No body talk. We focus on how people feel, not how they look.

7. Create Body-Respect Rituals

Try:

Gratitude lotioning: “Thanks, legs, for carrying me today.”
Morning stretch + one thing you’re proud of
Mirror affirmations as a daily ritual

8. Model Self-Compassion

Kids need to see that being human doesn’t mean being perfect.

Teach:

“It’s okay to feel uncomfortable and still love yourself.”
“Hard moments don’t make us less worthy.”

Practice: When shame shows up, say aloud: “I’m having a human moment. I choose kindness.”

Final Thoughts: We Are the Generation That Ends the War

To the women who tried to make me doubt or hate my body—

It didn’t work.

Because I know now: judgment is a mirror. People reflect what they carry.

I’m choosing a new legacy. I’m raising my daughters to walk boldly in their skin. To treat their bodies like friends, not projects. To eat, move, stretch, play, rest, and live without shame.

I’m raising them to love-bomb their bodies.And I’m modeling that by love-bombing mine.

This isn’t about perfection. It’s about permission.To take up space. To be soft and strong. To be real.

Let’s raise daughters—and sons—who don’t inherit our self-doubt. Let’s give them back their birthright: to belong in their bodies without apology.

And as we do, may we come home to our own.