Working to maintain a positive mindset and positive outlook is one of the best practices for uplifting our mood and creating an abundant mindspace. Personally, I try to wake up each morning and bathe in gratitude, meditate, and go on a beach walk. This morning routine sets me up for a magical and positive day. Maintaining a positive mindset is easier when surrounded by a high vibing crowd, having time for meditation, and starting the day doing an activity that brings you joy (beach walks and shelling is my happiest time). But now insert a cranky person, how can we maintain that inner joy despite being stuck with a “Cranky Craig” or someone who has "The CRANK". I must admit that I have not fully mastered this skill, as I am a sensitive person and an energetic sponge. However, I have found ways to make it easier.
I first try to avoid the cranky individual if possible and give them the space to work through whatever is bothering them (of course when its your kids that are cranky then this is not possible, read on for cranky kiddo suggestions). By giving an individual space to work out their "CRANK", we are offering them time and space to work through personal thoughts and feelings without outside interference. I find this to be an act of love and respect. We are loving them enough to provide them space and not get in their business without invitation. We are respecting them enough to offer them privacy and trust to work things out themselves. Sometimes if "The CRANK" is taking longer to resolve, I check in with a gentle, "It seems like something is bothering you, please let me know it you need help with something or someone to talk to." I often find that this check in can sometimes result in an outburst towards me or some projection onto me. But it is nice to check in, just remember not to take the reaction personally because it is "The CRANK" responding and not the individual.
Sometimes "The CRANK" has hold of someone that you cannot avoid (such as kids), when this is the case I like to use a visualization technique. I like to visualize myself as a superhero, wearing a superhero costume. My costume is surrounded by a forcefield, and nothing can get into my field. The cranky comments and energy just bounce off of this forcefield and dissolve. I find this technique empowering, visualization techniques are very helpful this way.
From a mindset perspective, I make a choice that the moods of others will not impact me. I send them love and compassion, but maintain that my inner peace is immune and I am untouchable. My joyful and positive energy is untouchable. I am protected by love and cut off any and all energetic ties with Cranky Craig. Cranky Craig is responsible for his feelings and managing them. I am not responsible for his feelings and I do not need to change them. They do not affect me. I am love and light and love and light emanates from within me.
When our kids have "The CRANK", we obviously can't avoid them and they need a little more assistance. We are their guides as they learn how to emotionally regulate their little nervous systems. Sometimes our children don't know what is going on so we first help them identify and label their experience. Let's externalize the cranky mood, calling it “THE CRANK” This externalization separates the behavior from the person and reduces the likelihood that the individual will personally identify with the behavior longer than the mood. Talk about how "The CRANK" feels in their body. Do their muscles feel tight? Where? What does their breathing feel like? Is it fast or slow? Chest or stomach breathing? Once you have identified and labeled the mood, just be curious and accepting. Just allow the feelings to flow without taking responsibility or placing blame. Allowing your kids to feel what they feel without trying to change it. How do we do that? Just imagine the feelings like clouds rolling in and out of our personal blue sky. We don’t try to stop a thunderstorm, we let it roll in and out of our skies in its own time. We hold space for their thunderstorm of feelings, we remain present for them to feel all of their feelings, validate, but cut off any energetic transfer. We are watching them on the roller coaster and not going along for the ride. We don't fix, we make space for them to feel and process.
I think the most important thing is to remember that “THE CRANK” is THEIR feelings, THEIR mood, and THEIR actions. “THE CRANK” has absolutely NOTHING to do with you. It is about them. And any reaction to you is simply a projection of their own internal state.
So what if they poke and react to you? What if they try to get a reaction out of you? Then it is your job to work even harder to maintain your inner state of zen. First try to separate from the cranky individual (if possible),
next visualize your superhero suit and forcefield, and lastly remember that you are untouchable and not responsible for the feelings of others. If you can't maintain your inner zen, it's ok! Take a minute to yourself and try again! You've got this!
I'm here to work with you to offer more skills and techniques, just schedule a consult and we will be on our way!
With love,
Niki
